In high school, I opted out of math classes after Pre-calc. Math felt like a foreign language, one that everyone else seemed to speak. In college, I took Accounting 1001 and could not grasp the concept of debits vs credits. I literally passed tests by repeating this mantra: “If I think it’s a debit, it’s a credit. If I think it’s a credit, it’s a debit.”
Not surprising then, that I majored in Journalism and went into corporate communications. No more math, I rejoiced!
Fast forward two years, and I landed a job at an insurance company. The pay was good but I had to write marketing content about mutual funds and 401k plans — in the days before Google and ChatGPT gave easy answers. How could I learn about these things without making myself look like an idiot at work?
Here’s the truth: Women don’t lack ability when it comes to money.
In fact, studies show women often make more educated decisions and choose a more diverse array of investments, which lowers risk.
It’s not about ability. It’s about lack of confidence. From an early age, women discount how much they know about money, and report that others – male classmates – know more than they do. Even when they score the same or better on financial literacy tests.
Like my own high school and college experiences, there are certain moments that push us into a “fixed mindset” — the belief that I’m just not good at this stuff, or It just comes naturally to him — I’ll never be as good.
Simple ways to push past your fixed mindset
Here are four situations to watch out for; common triggers that make you shut down instead of lean in. When you recognize you’re in one of these traps, remind yourself there are simple ways to switch to a growth mindset – the one that says, I may not understand this YET, but I’ll figure it out.
1. You think you’re being evaluated.
Asking a question about investing or admitting you don’t keep a budget can feel like you’re being judged. Women often worry more about looking “inexperienced.” (That’s how I felt as a Journalism major working at an insurance company.)
Fixed mindset says: “If I admit this, or ask a question, I’ll look clueless.”
Growth mindset says: “Asking questions is how I learn more.”
For me, once I admitted to a portfolio manager at the insurance firm that I didn’t know much about investing but wanted to learn, I found a patient mentor. When he used terms I didn’t understand, I’d say, “I still don’t get it. Pretend I’m your grandma and tell me again.” (Apologies to grandmas everywhere, who knew way more than I did.)
2. The situation feels high stakes.
Money decisions can feel big and permanent: buying a home, negotiating salary, paying off debt, investing for retirement. When it feels like one wrong move will be a disaster, your brain tries to protect you.
You think: “If I don’t know everything before I start, I should wait.”
Here’s the reframe: You don’t need perfect knowledge. Take a small step.
A simple example: instead of waiting until you understand all your 401k or IRA investment options, open an account and deposit your first $50. Then, look for an S&P 500 Index Fund (virtually all 401k plans and IRA accounts offer one) and invest in it. Learn by doing.
3. You get feedback and take it personally.
Maybe someone comments on your spending, or how many credit cards you have. Maybe someone comments (rudely) that you don’t understand how interest works.
It’s easy to withdraw, to turn feedback into a judgment about your identity: “I’m bad at money.” That’s a fixed mindset.
Instead, what if you said, “That’s an interesting perspective — tell me more?” What if you looked at it as a sign to do a little research or talk to a professional? That’s a growth mindset.
4. Someone else seems farther ahead.
This is a big one. You have a friend who seems able to spend more, who started investing sooner, who has already bought a house. Or you scroll through social media and everyone seems financially sound – they sure take a lot of vacations.
A fixed mindset turns someone else’s success into a personal disadvantage or a competitive threat. “She’s ahead. I’m behind. I’ll never catch up.”
But you don’t need the same timeline to be successful. Their progress doesn’t take anything away from yours. A better question is, “What’s one thing I could borrow from her playbook?” By taking away the taboo of talking about money, her path can actually shorten yours.
The mindset shift that changes everything
None of these scenarios are proof that you can’t handle money. They’re just moments when your confidence needs a little support. The research on growth mindset shows one simple truth:
Skills are built, not born. Money confidence is a muscle, and it gets stronger the more you use it.
Four tiny ways to boost your money confidence today
- Let yourself be a beginner. Every expert once was.
- Ask someone a financial question you’ve been avoiding.
- Try a small action instead of waiting for perfect clarity.
- Shift your focus back to your own goals when you find you’re comparing yourself to others.
Take it from me, the math-avoiding high schooler who’s now a financial counselor: You don’t need a finance degree or permission from anyone else. You have the ability to become woman who makes clear, calm, informed money decisions.
And that’s where real money confidence comes from.