If you’re trying to get better with money but still feel behind, or like you have a long way to go, keep this in mind: Most people – especially high-achieving women, in my opinion – are unhappy because of how they measure their progress.
In The Gap and the Gain, Dan Sullivan explains that we often compare where we are now to an ideal future; a moving target that’s always just beyond our reach. That way of thinking creates a constant sense of failure, even when we’re making progress.
The alternative is simple and powerful: Look backward. Where were you six months ago?
Gap thinking is about focusing only on the the ideal goal
- “I’m still not out of credit card debt.”
- “My emergency fund should be bigger by now.”
- “I have a budget but I blew it.”
When you measure yourself against an ideal version of financial perfection (no debt, a full emergency fund, flawless spending habits) you always feel behind. That feeling makes you want to give up or avoid thinking about money.
Gain thinking celebrates progress
Try asking yourself a different question: Compared to where I started, what’s better now?
Example 1: Paying down credit card debt
Gap thinking:
“I still owe $6,000. I should have this paid off by now.”
Gain thinking:
“Last year I owed $10,000. I’ve paid off $4,000 while still keeping up with my bills.”
Same situation, but with a totally different emotional impact. One feels bad and drains your motivation. The other builds confidence and makes it easier to keep going.
Example 2: Saving money
Gap thinking:
“I only have $2,000 in savings. That’s not enough, I should have 3-6 months of expenses.”
Gain thinking:
“A year ago, I had $0. I now have one full month of expenses saved – and it’s growing.”
By the way, studies show that having $2,000 in savings to cover unexpected expenses is a critical financial safety net. It covers many of the most common “surprise” expenses (think medical bills or a car repair), significantly boosts self confidence, lowers stress, and prevents people from taking on high-interest debt. Now that’s Gain thinking.
Example 3: Creating a spending plan
Gap thinking:
“I can’t stick to a budget. I totally blew it.”
Gain thinking:
“I know where my money goes now, and I’ve already cut one subscription service that didn’t matter to me.”
Some people call it a “budget.” That word feels negative and restrictive to me, so I call it my Intentional Spending plan. I get to choose where I want to spend money.
The truth is, a spending plan will never be perfect, and that’s not the point. It’s about awareness (where is my money coming from and where is it going?) and making small adjustments (I’d rather give up one streaming service for the relief of paying off a little more debt.)
Why it matters
Feeling successful with money isn’t about hitting some magic number. It’s about building trust with yourself. When you measure gains, you:
- Feel better and more accomplished
- Stay motivated longer
- Make more small but intentional decisions
A simple Money Nudge
Write down:
- Where you were financially six months ago
- One thing you feel better about now
- One small next step you can take
Do this once a month and you’ll realize how progress compounds fast — just like money. But only if you stop to notice it.